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Ryoku Tomoki

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Post by Guest Mon Jun 02, 2014 1:36 am

NAME: Ryoku Tomoki

AGE: 15

CLASS: Freshman

APPEARANCE:  Hair is black and spiky, yet two long, loose strands always stick out of the top. Blue eyes. Large build for his age, but not very large. He usually wears jeans, sneakers, and a red t-shirt. (Apologies for the picture. I just threw it together.)

BACKSTORY: Early Troubles: At birth, he was found to be frail, and weak. He was going to die. His parents ordered an emergency surgery to take place, in which all vital organs were moved into a robotic body. The unusable organs were synthesized. He survived the surgery. Later on, the robotic body was modified to look more human, and more size was added to it every year to simulate growth.

Compatibility Issues: Growing up, especially in the early elementary years, he noticed that he was different than the other children. At the time, if he had to explain it, he would've said that the other people felt 'fragile', and he was always alienated by that feeling. He never had any real friends, and played video games a lot, having owned every Nintendo console, and having parents who would do anything for him. So, he lived like this, hoping that things would change.

Change: He realized around 8th grade that things weren't going to change without him doing something. So, he asked his parents about alternative schooling, and they looked into it. They found Yamaku Academy, and fell in love with it. The next year, he was sent to the new school.

PERSONALITY: He knows that he could very easily be dead and gone by this point, so he tries to live every day like it's the last. As such, he is very hyperactive, which doesn't always coincide with what the rest of the world will put up with. He is very friendly, trying to keep other people upbeat, and always trying to make friends. Even so, he isn't a careless person, since he knows that there are people out there that are less equipped to face life than him. He can be very compassionate towards these people, going so far as to risk himself for them. He hates people who hate themselves, since, he feels, they have no reason to be that way.

SUPERPOWERS Being a robot physically, he has a great amount of strength. However, being a human internally, he still needs to eat, drink, and breathe.


Last edited by Ryoku Tomoki on Mon Jun 02, 2014 3:36 am; edited 5 times in total (Reason for editing : It was too short.)

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Post by Subverse Mon Jun 02, 2014 1:45 am

I don't even need to read it to know it's too short. Far, far too short.

Read this and then try again.
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Post by Raiden Mon Jun 02, 2014 8:47 am

Well, I did read it, and I'm afraid to say that this character is denied. Aside from the extreme brevity of the profile and the unacceptable profile picture, the very idea behind him goes against everything we have established in the forum.

First of all, your character is a complete ripoff of a character called Nayumi Tachibana who, before the reboot of the forum's continuity a few months back, was an extremely frail and weak girl who was turned into a cyborg by her father against her in an attempt to save her life. But while that character's struggles related to having to hide her robotic appearance at all times and being unable to do basic human things like eat or feel, your character lacks those struggles. He's just a normal guy with an awesome body that looks totally human, but has superpowers. And that's not the kind of character we want in a school for disabled kids. Because as much as we like having fun with alternate futures and arcs where cyborgs reign supreme, at our core, we're a slice-of-life RP forum, not a shonen.

But even if we take that aside, there's so many plot holes in your profile. First of all - if his body is weak, why would they take all of his vital organs and transport them into a new body when it's probably those exact organs that are causing the weakness? Unless he had a muscular disease (which would rarely be life-threatening), I just don't see why they'd choose to solve the problem the way they did. Also, since his body is mechanical, it'd need to be changed constantly every year during his first 20 years of his life and then every few years later on, as he's growing. That's both expensive and completely impractical, not to mention there's not a word about it on your profile. Also, how does his skin work? Does it heal? If not, then you can't possibly convince me a little kid has managed to avoid getting injured at all and was only tipped off about his nature by the fact that others are "fragile". There's even more plot holes in your profile, but I believe that's enough for now.

And if you want to get REALLY technical, this sort of technology is merely impossible in the world that the forum takes place. In our pre-reboot continuity, Takeshi Tachibana (Nayumi's father) had perfected cybernetic technology because he had worked on it his whole life, and was later given an absurdly large amount of resources and staff in order to perform the experimental procedure to transform Nayumi into a cyborg, which was a procedure that lasted for years as her body was changed bit by bit. But when the forum rebooted, with the past being changed so that Takeshi never got the chance to improve his cybernetic technology, an achievement like that became impossible, even in modern day. And especially not 15 years ago.

I'm really sorry for having to do this, we don't usually deny characters, but I see nothing salvageable in this. However, we've made it a rule to never permanently deny any character, so feel absolutely free to rework Ryoku and resubmit him.
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