[PRIVATE] Silencing the Static

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[PRIVATE] Silencing the Static

Post by Kanjiro Watari on Sat Nov 29, 2014 11:00 am

Kanjiro had been troubled by his lack of lucidity, especially recently. The party in the forest had been his last lucid moment, which had been over a month ago. Until today, when he was clear enough in his mind to decide to do something about it. He was finally lucid again, so he could communicate what he felt, and seek help. If he didn't do it now, his next opportunity might be two months away, or even further. He never knew when he was getting himself back from the endless haze of his manic days. He hadn't done anything about it before in his life, but he was here at Yamaku and they had the means to help him, he needed to take the opportunity while he still could. So he made his way to a certain Julius Schmidt's office, there he thought he would be able to find whatever it was he needed to help himself. Or at the very least, get pointed in the right direction. He knocked on the door.
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Re: [PRIVATE] Silencing the Static

Post by Julius Schmidt on Sun Nov 30, 2014 8:06 am

"Door's open, " he called.

"Sorry honey, got to go. I'll be sure to talk to him about it. Yes. Love you. Bye-bye."
He replaced his phone in his pocket.
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Re: [PRIVATE] Silencing the Static

Post by Kanjiro Watari on Sun Nov 30, 2014 11:16 am

Kanjiro walked in and surveyed the office, the design of it was soothing, putting him at ease rather quickly. As did overhearing part of the man's conversation. It made him a real person, not just someone who frowned as you talked to them and wrote notes on a sheet of paper, judging your every word.
"Hi, I was told you took walk-ins. I hope you've got time, I think I have a lot to talk about."
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Re: [PRIVATE] Silencing the Static

Post by Julius Schmidt on Mon Dec 01, 2014 2:53 am

"Absolutely. Have a seat, whichever you like," he said, gesturing to the two chairs and single chaise placed around the room.

He turned to the large window on the outside long wall, which was framed by the mahogany shelves that covered both side walls. Most held rather imperious-looking tomes with long titles embossed in gold upon bindings of various hues. The long shelf just below the window, however, was home to a kettle, cups, and all manner of teas.
"Care for anything?" he asked, as he fixed himself an Earl Grey.
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Re: [PRIVATE] Silencing the Static

Post by Kanjiro Watari on Mon Dec 01, 2014 6:36 am

"Yes, I think I'll have an Earl Grey for myself, please." He said, sitting on the nearest chair.
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Re: [PRIVATE] Silencing the Static

Post by Julius Schmidt on Mon Dec 01, 2014 7:11 am

Julius handed Kanjiro the cup and poured another.

"Mr. Watari, if I recall correctly?" he asked as he reached into his desk and pulled out a file. Grabbing his pen and notebook, he sat at the other chair. "What would you like to talk about?"
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Re: [PRIVATE] Silencing the Static

Post by Kanjiro Watari on Mon Dec 01, 2014 7:57 am

Kanjiro smiled gratefully as Julius handed him the cup.
"Thank you, Dr. Schmidt."

He paused and took a sip of the warm, soothing beverage before he responded again.
"Yeah, that's me. I'm not sure how much detail your file there goes into, but I'd bet it tells you that I'm not typically like this at least. Today's a good day, because I feel like myself and not some fragmented mess like usual. That's the main problem. I often lose myself to something in my mind. Days go by as this haze of noise and broken thoughts. You know all those weird sounds broken computers make? That's usually going on in my head. I have trouble communicating. I had to wait until I got back to this state before I could even consider coming to see you, otherwise I would have just strolled in here and screamed nonsense before getting nowhere and leaving. It's like I stop existing for those periods of time and just have these weeks on end of lost time where I ruined everything I worked for. I start right back from the beginning and just lose it all again. This cycle just repeats over and over. I mean, sometimes part of me comes back through all this for a while, and I can function, but human interaction is this giant, insurmountable task. I know what I'm supposed to do theoretically, even when I'm lost to myself, but somehow I can never quite get there."
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Re: [PRIVATE] Silencing the Static

Post by Julius Schmidt on Mon Dec 01, 2014 9:17 am

"Hm…"
He listened as he reviewed Kanjiro's medical history.

Well, this is a tricky one.

"What is your experience during these episodes? Do you feel like you lose control? Do you remember your actions afterwards?"
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Re: [PRIVATE] Silencing the Static

Post by Kanjiro Watari on Mon Dec 01, 2014 10:44 am

"I lose most of my control, but it varies with my overall mood within these sustained periods of time. If I'm feeling something extreme, which is usually the case during these episodes: panic, confusion, frustration, anger, elation, even, I feel like I've got no control at all. Not really, anyway, like I'm running automatically. But sometimes even during these manic episodes if my mood is a little bit more towards middle ground, I get to push through a little bit, I can have a faint grip on it. I have a little mechanism I use to cope with this, I medicate myself with music essentially. I pick songs to try and control these moods to give me whatever control I can get. It works on some level, but it's usually only for a while. My memory becomes pretty sporadic. If I have some of this small amount of control, I can remember it. Just the same as the control thing though, when things get too loud, too cluttered, it's just gone. Completely and utterly gone. I think it's all buried way deep somewhere, sometimes little things come back, and I can find myself calling upon knowledge. l do pretty well in subjects like science and math. Things like English, Japanese, Geography, History, I really struggle with. I have to try and catch up when I can. It doesn't get me very far, though."
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Re: [PRIVATE] Silencing the Static

Post by Julius Schmidt on Tue Dec 02, 2014 3:23 am

"I see…" he muttered as he read through some of the attached reports.

"Have you ever had episodes where you become unresponsive entirely, with no memory of it? Any muscle spams, unexplained falls?"
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Re: [PRIVATE] Silencing the Static

Post by Kanjiro Watari on Tue Dec 02, 2014 6:41 am

"Yes, a few. I mean, the muscle spasms are more or less constant, but these episodes are basically strung together now. It was over a month since I last had as much control and awareness as I do now. Usually I have my methods to give me that fraction of awareness, like the music for example, but of course they don't always work. If I can't control my mood, I'm pretty much gone. That doesn't happen too much, but it still happens. I've never had anything too major happen to me, just the odd cut or scrape from a fall, really. I'm usually able to piece it together to some degree. I'm lucky in that respect, I've never just regained awareness in a hospital or something like that. See, what really, genuinely terrifies me is the fact that it used to just be a brief period of time. Each episode was maybe a day or a good fraction of a day, but days turned into weeks, and now they're getting closer to being months long. I've got to be honest, Dr. Schmidt, that scares me like nothing on the face of this Earth can."

He sipped his tea again to try and soothe himself, a small spasm making his left hand close around air.
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Re: [PRIVATE] Silencing the Static

Post by Julius Schmidt on Tue Dec 02, 2014 4:41 pm

"Mr. Watari, have you not spoken to anyone before about getting these episodes under control? This is a very serious issue for you, clearly."
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Re: [PRIVATE] Silencing the Static

Post by Kanjiro Watari on Tue Dec 02, 2014 8:04 pm

"Definitely. I might not be all there most of the time, but of course I tried to seek help. When I first noticed it I was equal parts confused and terrified by what was happening to me. Naturally, I couldn't comprehend what was happening, much less communicate it when it first arose, I was too young. When I managed to get the issue across to the staff at the orphanage, they had no idea what to do with me, so they ignored it and stuck me in the care of one of the carers there on a near permanent basis. Essentially adoption without the forms or having to bring me home. They weren't really prepared to deal with someone like me, and their budget couldn't stretch to bringing me to a psychiatrist. So I developed my own small ways of trying to handle it, and pretended it wasn't a problem. They thought I came here for my heart condition and scoliosis, but really, I agreed to come here to seek help for this."
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Re: [PRIVATE] Silencing the Static

Post by Julius Schmidt on Wed Dec 03, 2014 4:50 am

"Mental health issues should not be taken lightly. It's a shame this has never been properly addressed.

"I'd like to confirm that you have no history of seizures, correct? These episodes are something different?"
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Re: [PRIVATE] Silencing the Static

Post by Kanjiro Watari on Wed Dec 03, 2014 7:09 am

"Yes, I'm pretty sure they're different. From what I feel, these episodes are about consciousness and control over myself, I think. Kind of like a fugue state. I personally have no history of seizures. But I can't say if there's a family history of it or not, because I know very little about my biological family."
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Re: [PRIVATE] Silencing the Static

Post by Julius Schmidt on Sun Dec 07, 2014 1:18 am

Well, at least seizures aren't a concern. In that case…

"Have you experienced any periods of depressed mood, either alternating or concurrently with these episodes? Lethargy, lack of motivation, decreased appetite, increased sleep…"
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Re: [PRIVATE] Silencing the Static

Post by Kanjiro Watari on Sun Dec 07, 2014 8:23 am

"Well, after these episodes, I tend to feel like that. On days like this, really, when I've got myself back. I never sleep much, and I've never have much of an appetite as it is, but I do feel slower and it's certainly difficult to wrestle with myself to go and do things. I start questioning the point of all of it since I know it's just going to come back. During these episodes I have way too much energy to feel like that, I just get angry, confused or frustrated."
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Re: [PRIVATE] Silencing the Static

Post by Julius Schmidt on Sun Dec 07, 2014 7:07 pm

"Well, Mr. Watari, given the symptoms you've described, this appears to be a manifestation of bipolar disorder. Fortunately, the prognosis with treatment is quite good.

"I'd like you to check in with me regularly to assess how your symptoms are, and to allow you an outlet to express your feelings. This is an important part of therapy for mood disorders.

"My other recommendation is that you begin medication to help stabilize these moods. Now, I cannot prescribe you medication directly, but I have a colleague in the city who is a psychiatrist. If it's all right with you, I'll contact him and discuss your case. He'll most likely prescribe a lithium salt to reduce the manic episodes, along with an anticonvulsant."
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Re: [PRIVATE] Silencing the Static

Post by Kanjiro Watari on Mon Dec 08, 2014 7:52 am

With Julius' words, the dread and fear of this unknown condition which bore down on his psyche for so many years was eased. His eyes welled up with tears of joy he tried to disguise. He wanted to get up and hug Julius, but he stayed where he was. Bipolar disorder. Suddenly it didn't sound so terrifying, it didn't sound like disappearing completely to these broken fragments of thought. He'd said the prognosis with treatment was good. That probably meant that it wouldn't go away completely, but if it got better than this, Kanjiro knew he'd be happy. This wasn't the insurmountable obstacle Kanjiro had felt like he'd been left to deal with alone. He couldn't believe how simple the solution to dealing with it was. In that moment, he would have agreed to jumping through flaming hoops if it meant he would get better. Regular check-ins and medication were nothing.

"That's fine by me, Dr. Schmidt. I hope you know that this means absolutely everything to me. I really can't thank you enough."
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Re: [PRIVATE] Silencing the Static

Post by Julius Schmidt on Mon Dec 08, 2014 8:58 am

He smiled. "That's what I'm here for.
I'll speak to him today and see if I can get you an appointment with him in the next couple of days. He'll double-check some things, just to be safe, and then he'll be able to determine the most appropriate medications and dosages for you. All in all, you should be able to begin medication by the end of the week.

"Now, as the manic episodes are the main concern here, and antidepressants can exacerbate them, it's probably best to forego them unless they are really needed. In the event that you find depressive episodes worsening, or anything else for that matter, you should come and see me right away, okay?

"This all may take a few adjustments here and there, but I'll be here to help you work through it."
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Re: [PRIVATE] Silencing the Static

Post by Kanjiro Watari on Mon Dec 08, 2014 11:27 am

He nodded and finished the tea with a prolonged sip.
"Right, I understand. Thank you."
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