[Open] The World's Judge has a Mace Where His Gavel Should Be

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[Open] The World's Judge has a Mace Where His Gavel Should Be

Post by Sora Kimura on Wed Nov 13, 2013 2:45 am

I'm currently a dangerous mixture of depressed and furious.
I've had a couple controlled outbursts since my loss, during which I would sit on my bed in a fetal position and do my best to clear my mind, though my best was never enough and I'd end up crying silently. This time, though, I was left alone to think for too long in the wrong state of mind. It hasn't been useless; on my desk is a drawing of an executioner who has just finished decapitating with his axe a man who's previous neck was laying on a tree stump, a wooden board laying beside said stump that says "CHARITABLE." There is a woman and a man apparently waiting in line, the woman with a sign hung by a rope around her neck saying "KIND" and the man's saying "CONSIDERATE." Both have understandably upset expressions. The next man is only half-drawn, though the word "COOPERATIVE" has been written.
Normally, on the rare occasion that I'm angry, I start up a fighting game and beat the daylights out of the opponent, and it proves to be a decent solution. That certainly played a part in my current mood. I was thinking again about how horridly unjust it is that my right hand be taken from me when I have not intentionally harmed anyone, nor have I been any more immoral than others who have not received a permanent impediment as I have. Injustice will infuriate anybody; injustice will infuriate even more the one it has been exerted upon. So, to a certain extent, it's understandable that I cried on my desk for a minute or so before moving on to try to draw something to reflect my mood after noticing that I can't take my usual route of playing a game due to the reason for my anger: I only have one hand. That lasted a decent bit before I found that it started making me even more angry as I struggled to draw it, and so I returned to my usual position on my bed.
However, as previously stated, I've been given time alone to think. That never works well when I'm in a bad mood because it just gives me more time to think of what a bad mood I'm in.
I'm not the kind of person to do violent things to express my anger.
"THEN WHAT DOES THE KIND OF PERSON I AM DO?"
Sits idly by and waits for things to pass?
"LIKE HELL; ARMS DON'T GROW BACK."
...
"There's nothing to do there's nothing to say there's no point to argue there's nothing there's nothing"

Somebody might have heard my lunatic ramblings; not that I've considered the notion.

(Though this thread is open, I don't fully expect someone to join it.
Detail I don't know how to fit in to the writing: It's around 6:00PM.)


Last edited by Sora Kimura on Wed Nov 13, 2013 11:45 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Re: [Open] The World's Judge has a Mace Where His Gavel Should Be

Post by Mizo Takameshi on Wed Nov 13, 2013 9:06 pm

As Mizo headed back to his room with with the two books and new model kit he'd just picked up he heard what sounded like shouting from one of the nearby rooms. Worried that some one might be in trouble Mizo nervously approached the door
*KNOCK* *KNOCK*
"Hello? Are you alright in there?" he asked hoping whoever was inside could hear him.
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Re: [Open] The World's Judge has a Mace Where His Gavel Should Be

Post by Sora Kimura on Wed Nov 13, 2013 9:46 pm

"Are you alright in there?"
I'm just acting like it's worse than it is-
"No."
My voice is of normal volume, as I don't consider how much it will be diminished by the travel across my room and through my door. The simple word still shouldn't be hard to make out, though.
Wait, there's a person at my door. Why is there a person at my door?
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Re: [Open] The World's Judge has a Mace Where His Gavel Should Be

Post by Mizo Takameshi on Wed Nov 13, 2013 11:03 pm

Sora Kimura wrote:"No."
"You're not? Do you need the nurse?! Should I come in? Do you need help? What should I do?!" Mizo asked now very worried.
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Re: [Open] The World's Judge has a Mace Where His Gavel Should Be

Post by Sora Kimura on Wed Nov 13, 2013 11:12 pm

"I'm not in danger." I clarify, speaking louder than before as I realize now that I'm talking from across the room.
Well, I might be, just not in an immediately life-threatening sort of way.
"I don't know the answer to any of your questions, though."
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Re: [Open] The World's Judge has a Mace Where His Gavel Should Be

Post by Mizo Takameshi on Thu Nov 14, 2013 3:07 am

Realizing that the person on the other side of the door needs a different kind of help Mizo finally says
"Do...Do you need someone to talk to?"
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Re: [Open] The World's Judge has a Mace Where His Gavel Should Be

Post by Sora Kimura on Thu Nov 14, 2013 3:13 am

"Probably."
A few seconds' time allows me to realize that he's probably suggesting himself as that person.
"You can come in if you're that someone."
I rest my arm behind my legs instead of hugging it around said legs as I watch the door with fully open eyes.
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Re: [Open] The World's Judge has a Mace Where His Gavel Should Be

Post by Mizo Takameshi on Thu Nov 14, 2013 3:22 am

Slightly hesitant Mizo opens the door and enters. Closing the door behind him, a little nervously he said
"It was...Kimura, right? So whats got you shouting like that?"
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Re: [Open] The World's Judge has a Mace Where His Gavel Should Be

Post by Sora Kimura on Thu Nov 14, 2013 3:35 am

It was...Kimura, right?
I nod. You're Takemeshi, I remember. From my first day here. He said I could talk to him if I needed help regarding the school. This is loosely related, isn't it?
So what's got you shouting like that?
Was I shouting?
"Things are unfair and I was angry at how unfair things are and I don't understand it and... I didn't have enough self-control."
Other than the pause, my voice is rather calm relative to what might be expected of me in this context.
"I think I did need someone to talk to even though I didn't know it and I started talking to myself."
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Re: [Open] The World's Judge has a Mace Where His Gavel Should Be

Post by Mizo Takameshi on Thu Nov 14, 2013 3:54 am

"You feel things are unfair...because something happened to you that you had no control over, something that's pretty well changed your life forever...something like that?" he asked.
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Re: [Open] The World's Judge has a Mace Where His Gavel Should Be

Post by Sora Kimura on Thu Nov 14, 2013 3:59 am

"Yes."
Does he know what I'm talking about?
"I almost think that... that I could put up with it fairly easily if it was just but I'm probably lying to myself."
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Re: [Open] The World's Judge has a Mace Where His Gavel Should Be

Post by Mizo Takameshi on Thu Nov 14, 2013 4:04 am

"Yeah, and then you keep asking your self of all the people...Why me? why did it have to be me? It feels like some sort of twisted cosmic joke." Mizo added
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Re: [Open] The World's Judge has a Mace Where His Gavel Should Be

Post by Sora Kimura on Thu Nov 14, 2013 4:11 am

Have I? I guess I did compare myself to other people I thought less deserving than I of so normal a life that they have.
"But when you say it it sounds kinda selfish. Like you're saying that someone else should be in this condition. I guess you didn't say that last part, though. I wasn't thinking of a joke, I was thinking of a sort of malevolent judge or something."
My eyes shift to my desk.
"Thought of an executioner at one point too."
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Re: [Open] The World's Judge has a Mace Where His Gavel Should Be

Post by Mizo Takameshi on Thu Nov 14, 2013 4:20 am

"I Guess...everyone sees it differently, that's just how I see it. A big cosmic joke being played at my expense, you see it as some sort of judge. I wasn't really wishing this on anyone else, it's more like...of all of the people who could of ended up in my situation, why did it end up being me? I guess it still sounds kind of selfish that way too. What I'm trying to say is, I kind of understand how you feel."
"I hope that came across right" he thought to himself.
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Re: [Open] The World's Judge has a Mace Where His Gavel Should Be

Post by Sora Kimura on Thu Nov 14, 2013 4:27 am

Having someone understand is comforting somehow, though...
"Understanding won't fix it. I appreciate it, though." I add, my eyes returning to their previous gaze at my knees.
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Re: [Open] The World's Judge has a Mace Where His Gavel Should Be

Post by Mizo Takameshi on Thu Nov 14, 2013 4:44 am

"I know it won't fix it, but it sure helps." he replied
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Re: [Open] The World's Judge has a Mace Where His Gavel Should Be

Post by Sora Kimura on Thu Nov 14, 2013 4:50 am

I nod in agreement before asking "Why do you understand?"
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Re: [Open] The World's Judge has a Mace Where His Gavel Should Be

Post by Mizo Takameshi on Thu Nov 14, 2013 5:25 am

"Why...Do I...Understand?" Mizo said in an almost confused manor. Why DID he understand? After a moment he realized the answer.
"Well I guess...I guess because I feel the same way about my situation, so that's why I can relate."
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Re: [Open] The World's Judge has a Mace Where His Gavel Should Be

Post by Sora Kimura on Thu Nov 14, 2013 5:42 am

"What's your situation?"
Come to think of it, his disability never came up during our initial meeting.

(I'm going to bed now.)
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Re: [Open] The World's Judge has a Mace Where His Gavel Should Be

Post by Mizo Takameshi on Thu Nov 14, 2013 6:05 am

{no worries}

"I'm...I'm Epileptic, & the frustration that this could hit at anytime. Plus it's also the pills. These little whit pills that dictate part of the rest of my life. It's like I'm being oppressed by my own body, and then I get frustrated and get this feeling of helplessness and then...it's just like...Why me? why am I in this situation? It's just all so overwhelming sometimes." he answered.
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Re: [Open] The World's Judge has a Mace Where His Gavel Should Be

Post by Sora Kimura on Thu Nov 14, 2013 3:01 pm

Yeah, most other people don't have to put up with this and so I will not be able to do some things that they can and this will affect me for the rest of my life and-
I close my eyes and hold my breath for fifteen seconds, after which I exhale heavily. Opening my eyes again, I realize
"Complaining and pointing out everything bad about it makes it worse."
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Re: [Open] The World's Judge has a Mace Where His Gavel Should Be

Post by Mizo Takameshi on Fri Nov 15, 2013 8:59 pm

Mizo thought about that for a moment before continuing on.
"Yeah...It kind of does,doesn't it? That's probably why I throw my self into my hobbies so much. I don't really think about that sort of thing when I'm reading, or studying, or building one of my models. A convenient distraction to help me forget about all of it."


Last edited by Mizo Takameshi on Fri Nov 15, 2013 9:00 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : I can't spell today -_-)
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Re: [Open] The World's Judge has a Mace Where His Gavel Should Be

Post by Sora Kimura on Fri Nov 15, 2013 9:07 pm

(Don't worry; I can never spell. Not sure if you noticed but a fair few of my posts are edited at least once because I notice a typo or bad word choice right after posting them. Razz)

"The problem is that my... amputation is getting in the way of my old hobbies. Most games requires two hands, and trying to draw something sometimes ends up... like this."
I think that's my first time saying the word "amputation" since my, well, amputation. The pause might signify as much.
"It's kinda weird because I never took drawing too seriously before and now I think I do and I'm not completely sure why."
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Re: [Open] The World's Judge has a Mace Where His Gavel Should Be

Post by Mizo Takameshi on Fri Nov 15, 2013 9:20 pm

"I guess that would make it harder to do those things, Maybe you just need to find some new hobbies? Or possibly find a way to work around it. I've heard of people that make really beautiful art, and they did the whole thing with no arms. They paint or draw with either their mouths or feet. Maybe there's something that could be used to help you with your drawing, you could probably talk to Shinsen-Sensei about it, she's the Art teacher here so she'd know of the best way to help you with that." Mizo replied
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Re: [Open] The World's Judge has a Mace Where His Gavel Should Be

Post by Sora Kimura on Fri Nov 15, 2013 9:38 pm

I don't think my mouth or feet would be any easier to use...
you could probably talk to Shinsen-Sensei about it, she's the Art teacher here so she'd know of the best way to help you with that.
"I might." I say, making the decision to not make the decision right now. This subject is odd in that it's been rather nice to talk about it, but at the same time I don't want to go out of my way to do so. It'd probably be for the best, though. After the few seconds it takes me to think so, I mention
"The last person I talked to said I just need practice, so I might just need to not give up."
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