Haruka "Haru" Soratomei

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Haruka "Haru" Soratomei

Post by Haruka Soratomei on Mon Nov 18, 2013 3:30 am

Name: Haruka "Haru" Soratomei

Age: 14

Class: Freshman

Appearance: Haruka has short black hair, brown eyes, is fairly skinny and is about 5"4. She wears boy's clothing and bandages up her breasts for reasons explained later. She has a hole in the back of her neck that lets her breathe, and usually tries to keep it hidden from sight.

Backstory: Haruka was born on December 19th, 2007 in Osaka, to parents Natoshi and Ryoro Soratomei. She was born with a rare condition in which her lungs were completely closed up, not letting her breathe. The doctors believed that she would die. In order to save her life, the doctors had to surgically open a hole in the back of her neck to let her breathe, though she still has difficulties and has to see a doctor every year to get another operation. Her condition worries her often, seeing as though not only were her lungs exposed, but her brain stem as well, and makes her feel vulnerable.

Her mother was very loving, caring, kind, thoughtful, generous, and always looked after her loved ones. But when Haruka was 3, her mother was hit by a car while walking home, which killed her.  Her father, upset at his wife's loss, started drinking and taking the blame on Haruka, yelling that he was disappointed that she turned out to be a girl, as he wanted a boy, and that she was an invalid. In order to try to gain the approval of her father, she would dress as a boy, shorten her name to a more masculine-sounding "Haru" and speak in a lower tone of voice, but there was nothing she could do about her condition. Her father also physically abused her, which would often make her condition worse. When it was finally found out what exactly was happening, she was taken out of custody at age 9 and was sent to live with her Aunt on her father's side who treated her with love, care and support, and got her as much help as possible to treat her trauma and condition. She never saw or heard from her father again, but the psychological damage caused by her father remained for the rest of her life. She still dresses as a boy, since she's grown used to it, and she secretly still hopes to gain the approval of her father even after all that happened.

But kids at her school were ridiculing her because of her various social and health issues, and had no friends at her old school. They would often call her names and bully her, and the staff did nothing about it. She was sent to Yamaku Academy, a school for children with physical disabilities such as herself, where she was hoping people would be more accepting of her condition. She hopes to make friends there and that she'll be much happier than she was at her old school.

Personality: Haruka has always been a bit of an overachiever academic-wise. She is very intelligent, gets excellent grades, listens to her teachers, always turns in assignments on time, and was even accepted into honor roll. Her favorite subject seems to be Science. Since she didn't have any friends at her old school, she would read books, comics, and manga in her free time. She can be nice and caring to people, which she got from her mother and aunt, but she knows when to trust someone or not. She is very positive and tries not to let her difficulties or her past get in her way. She often does not like to have her intelligence insulted, and can be very stubborn when it comes to getting what she wants. She tries not to lie to people when she can. However, she isn't without her secrets.


Last edited by Haruka Soratomei on Mon Nov 18, 2013 8:17 pm; edited 7 times in total
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Re: Haruka "Haru" Soratomei

Post by Subverse on Mon Nov 18, 2013 3:38 am

Hello, hello. Welcome and all that.

Might I suggest reading this.

The back story is rather short and very vague. You're gonna want to put as much information in there as possible because you can't pull any information from your past unless it is detailed here.
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Re: Haruka "Haru" Soratomei

Post by Raiden on Mon Nov 18, 2013 3:42 am

While I do like the idea of a tomboyish character, I'll have to agree with Subverse - your profile is way too short to be approved just yet. You'll need to greatly expand it before we can give you the go-ahead. Feel free to view the profiles of approved characters to see what we're looking for. Just bump the thread when you want us to take another look!
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Re: Haruka "Haru" Soratomei

Post by Haruka Soratomei on Mon Nov 18, 2013 4:21 am

Added more info.
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Re: Haruka "Haru" Soratomei

Post by Subverse on Mon Nov 18, 2013 4:39 am

Ok that's a bit better, but we're still in the dark about a lot of details.

I'm just gonna list off what we're looking for :-

-psychological damage from the disability
-what happened to her father
-how her life changed when she went to her aunt's
-any friends from school (or lack thereof and how she entertained herself)
-does she still dress like a boy? How does she feel about that? If yes, why?
-how she turned into a kind person after a childhood of (what I assume to be) neglect
-how she feels about going to Yamaku
-favorite subjects

Some others might come to me, but this should suffice for now.
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Re: Haruka "Haru" Soratomei

Post by Haruka Soratomei on Mon Nov 18, 2013 4:13 pm

Sorry about that, fixed it.
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Re: Haruka "Haru" Soratomei

Post by NorXTNP on Mon Nov 18, 2013 4:46 pm

I am not an admin (currently) anymore, but i felt that i want to point out some things. I hope i am allowed to and nobody of my mates are going to be bothered(raiden will go on a rampage i bet.) but:

let me quote and tell you why that statement should maybe be changed
I.)"
She was sent to Yamaku Academy, a school for children with physical disabilities such as herself, where people would be more accepting of her condition. She made friends there and is much happier than she was at her old school.
"
You are assuming that people would be more accepting of her condition. While i say, 99% of the students are, 1 % will not be.
Also, you are assuming/already stating you made friends. Usually, the way we have it, is that the first posts after you got accepted will be your enrollment day. That is how we can diminish the chance of stupid roleplays. As it is right now, if you do not have people who agreed with you about it before(which should need a mention) you basically did not make any friends yet.
You can write different things though.

II.)
"but as you can tell, she isn't without her secrets."
Just cut the but as you can tell part and write "however, she isn't without her secrets."
Since that is an in character apply, you would imply that people would AUTOMATICALLY assume that she has secrets she doesn't want to talk about.
That is true aswell, everyone assumes that, but you make it sound outstanding,like, big,dark secrets. get where i am going?

III.)
No quote in particular, and i should be the last one to complain but:
Sometimes your sentence structure is a little weird.
I can give an little example.
"She never saw or heard from her father again, but the psychological damage caused by her father remained for the rest of her life, and she still dresses as a boy, since she's grown used to it, and she secretly still hopes to gain the approval of her father."
You should use less commas and more dots.
"She never saw or heard from her father again. The psychological harm however, caused by her fathers dissaproval, remained for the rest of her life. She still dresses as a boy because she got used to it. Secretly, she hopes to gain the approval of her father even after all those years."
This was prolly not perfect either. I used to put little efford in my sentences:
its not bad and it shouldnt be big of a reason why people would deny you, however i do like if people put the efford there.
And no offense, if you just didn't know it better, i wasnt trying to do that at all =)


again, i never ment to offend you. I just felt like i wanted to point out some things as an ex member(who is possibly returning soon) which somehow bugged me a little.
you dont need to make ME happy, my approval or denial is currently worth nothing.

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Re: Haruka "Haru" Soratomei

Post by Haruka Soratomei on Mon Nov 18, 2013 4:58 pm

Thank you, fixed again.
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Re: Haruka "Haru" Soratomei

Post by LQ-84i on Mon Nov 18, 2013 6:15 pm

NorX as a demerit, if you want to give suggestions in this thread as you are now, you'll need to ask prior permission. I am unaware if you have it but from your verbage it doesn't appear so. You are one of founding members on the board but I don't generally believe that allows you the right to do as you've once done until you are indeed back. That said, you did have some decent input. Nonetheless, I stand by what I typed unless countered otherwise in which I'll still stand by my position but alone.
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Re: Haruka "Haru" Soratomei

Post by Raiden on Mon Nov 18, 2013 7:53 pm

NorX, SilentFox - let's take this to IM.

Haruka - I still don't see the stuff that Subverse requested of you, namely:

Subverse wrote:-psychological damage from the disability
-what happened to her father
-how her life changed when she went to her aunt's
-any friends from school (or lack thereof and how she entertained herself)
-does she still dress like a boy? How does she feel about that? If yes, why?
-how she turned into a kind person after a childhood of (what I assume to be) neglect
-how she feels about going to Yamaku
-favorite subjects
Also, the first half of your last paragraph should go into "personality" rather than backstory.
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Re: Haruka "Haru" Soratomei

Post by Haruka Soratomei on Mon Nov 18, 2013 8:22 pm

Subverse wrote:-psychological damage from the disability
Her condition worries her often, seeing as though not only were her lungs exposed, but her brain stem as well, and makes her feel vulnerable.
-what happened to her father
She never saw or heard from her father again,
-how her life changed when she went to her aunt's
was sent to live with her Aunt on her father's side who treated her with love, care and support, and got her as much help as possible to treat her trauma and condition.
-any friends from school (or lack thereof and how she entertained herself)
had no friends at her old school. Since she didn't have any friends at her old school, she would read books, comics, and manga in her free time.
-does she still dress like a boy? How does she feel about that? If yes, why?
She still dresses as a boy, since she's grown used to it, and she secretly still hopes to gain the approval of her father even after all that happened.
-how she turned into a kind person after a childhood of (what I assume to be) neglect
She can be nice and caring to people, which she got from her mother and aunt,
-how she feels about going to Yamaku
She was sent to Yamaku Academy, a school for children with physical disabilities such as herself, where she was hoping people would be more accepting of her condition. She hopes to make friends there and that she'll be much happier than she was at her old school.
-favorite subjects
Her favorite subject seems to be Science.
I've addressed the issues presented.
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Re: Haruka "Haru" Soratomei

Post by Raiden on Mon Nov 18, 2013 8:28 pm

While the prose could have been just a little smoother (I noticed a few repetitions and sentences that should be merged together), I'm currently rather satisfied content-wise. Approved. When either SilentFox or Subverse gives his approval as well, we'll move the profile to the approved section and you'll be free to play.
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Re: Haruka "Haru" Soratomei

Post by LQ-84i on Mon Nov 18, 2013 8:43 pm

Taking the entire process into account I find that there is one detail left sparse yet perhaps you don't find it too important to address and it isn't much that appears to be a topic that would be varied enough to call back upon. On that note, I'll approve the profile and I am grateful for the patience you've expressed throughout.

Unless I am asked to clarify what that detail is, you're free to roleplay. To hint at it, I am looking at the timeframe from when she was at school before arriving at Yamaku. However, my willingness to allow that to stay sparse is that it is possible to have a very pedestrian time at school with the outlier being relentless bullying. The effects of such were expressed beforehand which allows me to pass this.

2/2 Approved. Please wait for the thread to be moved before continuing on.
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