[Closed] Looking Back

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[Closed] Looking Back

Post by Sora Kimura on Wed Jan 01, 2014 8:56 am

With it being New Year's and all, sitting on my bed with the sunset-painted sky beyond the window, I decided to look back on my year a bit.
Lost an arm.
I move very quickly onward.
Started attending Yamaku. How's that been?
The people here are interesting. That's good. The setting's nice. Sort of secluded, but less in a lonely way and more in a peaceful one.
And what have I done since getting here?
Made a drawing, sat in self-pity, half-made another, sat in self-pity again...
Bad thoughts.

And this is where I am now.

Have I made a single friend since I got here?
I'm not sure.
Person-with-the-different-colored-eyes-whom-I-never-found-the-name-of watched me draw. Thinking back on it, he took genuine interest in what I was doing. Then I started distracting myself with self-pity and stuff and he left.
Talked to Veach and Kinai.
Talked to Hawke.
Mizo was the first to meet me, and told me a bit about where to go. Doesn't quite imply friendship, just some courtesy and consideration.
But then I was doing more self-pitying-

I'm admitting to self-pitying a lot more than I like. Might help if I just had a different term for it, to make things seem more varied even if they aren't actually so.
When I was thinking more about how unfortunate I found my situation, Mizo came and tried helping me out. Did help me out, really. I haven't had such an outburst since. It takes... something, to approach someone when they're unhappy. I think. Does that mean we're friends?
I honestly don't know.
So I have one person that may or may not be a friend of mine.
It's a rather depressing thought when put so bluntly.
Well, I haven't been trying that hard to make friends or anything...
I meant that as a way of saying "You didn't fail because you didn't start in the first place," to comfort myself, but I'd much rather know I tried and failed than know I didn't try.
How bad a situation is it?
It is nice to have someone there, to... just be there, I suppose.

This will turn into more thinking-about-how-unfortunate-I-find-my-situation if I don't make it something more productive.
What can I do about it?
I have no idea.
Not as good.
I don't like forcing myself to socialize, but maybe for a long-term benefit it's probably worth it.
Who do I take interest in that would make a good friend?

As previously established, there's a lot of interesting people here, so a list of pretty much everyone I've met runs through my head. I scan the list again, though it only helps so much.
The girl that left the conversation when I joined it, in the gym during the medical exams, she seemed interesting. Interesting enough that it bothers me a bit that the only interaction I've gotten was her avoiding it.
I haven't seen her much as of late. Doesn't mean much, considering she's in a different grade, though, and that I don't know myself to be very observant.
There's also, well, everybody else.

Even if I have people I find interesting, what do I do with that?
I don't know...

I feel like I really haven't made much progress on this thought at all. I don't know how to go on to make more progress. A sigh of depression and frustration is the closest I get.
Sora Kimura

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