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Anya Bartlett

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Anya Bartlett Empty Anya Bartlett

Post by Guest Thu Oct 24, 2013 8:44 pm

NAME:Anya Bartlett
AGE: 16
CLASS: Sophomore

APPEARANCE: Straight, long, brown hair that reaches her chest, usually well-kept and healthy looking. Dark blue eyes, always eyeing everything and everyone with curiosity. She's fairly tall, with a slender figure, usually seen wearing anything that's considered feminine, dresses, skirts, jeans, etc. She's seen wearing a blue handbag most of the time.
BACKSTORY: Anya was always a troublesome kid, raised in a somewhat wealthy family. Her mother was a teacher, and her father was a farmacist, both with high salaries, it also helped that they had inherited a good sum of money from their parents.
She was often seen climbing trees, pulling pranks and overall bringing a lot of trouble, managing to find out many personal secrets and using them against people for her own benefit. Always claiming she was a ''lady of class'', Anya could never stay still or quiet, and ended up having alot of people fear her because of her blackmailing skills, not only kids her own age, but adults too. Her parents were worried, but ignored it for a long time before they would eventually start trying to talk her out of this, but as she wasn't easily influenced, it never worked. Even with that, she managed to make friends and stuck with them.
However, she ended up bringing more trouble than she thought she would. Her father got fired due to her little 'business' with his boss' family, and he had a really hard time trying to find another job. Anya felt really guilty and, being young and foolish, attempted to run away, but ended up climbing up a really high tree and falling down, which resulted in many injuries. She was rushed to the hospital, survived, and gradually got better - though she was alot weaker than before and needed people to help her walk. Unsure of what to do, her parents contacted some distant relatives in Japan, who suggested that they move, and after a very long procedure, they did. Anya's parents, being qualified, got hired once again in Tokyo, and Anya was sent to Yamaku Academy.

PERSONALITY:
Cheerful and charismatic. Despite her 'innocent' look, she's manipulative, sarcastic, cynical, always preferring leadership over being a follower. Through connections, sneaking around and blackmailing, she knows the hottest gossip and the most personal secrets, as it brings her joy to put her nose in someone else's business. Very perceptive and a quick thinker.


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Please do tell me if I have done anything wrong. I'm not entirely used to those kinds of forums. Thank you ^^

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Anya Bartlett Empty Re: Anya Bartlett

Post by Subverse Fri Oct 25, 2013 12:39 am

There's a few things wrong here, might I suggest you read this guide before any editing goes on, but I'll also detail which areas in particular need some work.

First things first though, I like the idea of the character. I think the manipulative innocent girl is great.

Now, the main problem here is the backstory. It all seems rather vague. For example, it's clear that she isn't from Japan, but where is she from exactly? What was her childhood like, can you give us some examples of people she's blackmailed etc.?
the biggest hole, however, (and I'm a massive stickler for this) is exactly what her injuries were, and the effect they have on her day to day life. Does she need a wheelchair? Is she embarrassed to be "disabled", things like that. I think your best bet would be to read the character profile guide and give it another go. It'd be a shame if this character wasn't accepted.
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Post by LQ-84i Fri Oct 25, 2013 1:15 am

In addition to what the staff above added, I'd like to alert you to make your profile name match your character name. There's one account per character and each of them uses the name of the character. If you do want to use AngelicBlood you can make a new account for that name and use a rarely used feature which are personal accounts so you don't use your character page to go post in the OOC section. You cannot do so for this profile however, I'll stick to that, please do change this. Also, I must also ask you to write more for your character's backstory, it reads quite sparse and I mean go into as much detail as you can about each phase of her childhood. I know very little about how school was for her, how her parents cared for her, what aspirations or goals she has, even if it's the lack thereof. I am uncertain how others felt about her behavior outside a few cues. Generally, I don't have a good feel for her life up to this point, I don't understand what made her this way and consistently so. Also, when you're mentioning her nationality to follow through for Subverse's suggestions, please do elaborate about how she felt about moving and the process just to avoid pitfalls. The concept is decent but it requires more expansion as I've mentioned. It seems hastily written and this is a vital part of the character as you cannot bring items up from the past you haven't written here, so please try to get as much as you feel would need to be known down.
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Post by Guest Fri Oct 25, 2013 12:21 pm

Thank you for your feedback. Anya was actually created for a high school roleplay, and I'm not exactly sure why I entered her here. Her history is entirely different, and as I did some research and she isn't exactly fit for that kind of roleplay thing, I'll ask you if it's not a problem to delete this thread or move it to Denied Characters. Thank you once again.

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Post by Subverse Fri Oct 25, 2013 12:32 pm

That's fine, are you gonna retry with a new character?
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Post by Guest Fri Oct 25, 2013 12:51 pm

Perhaps I will.

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Post by Raiden Fri Oct 25, 2013 2:36 pm

And by that she means "No".
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