Character submission: Megumi Mizuno

Go down

Character submission: Megumi Mizuno Empty Character submission: Megumi Mizuno

Post by Guest on Sun Jun 22, 2014 12:09 am

NAME: Megumi Mizuno, aka (to fellow kendo practitioners) "The One-Armed Oni"

AGE: 17

CLASS: Junior

APPEARANCE: Megumi stands at 172.72 cm (5'8"), has long black hair (usually tied back), violet colored eyes, a slim body build, and missing her left arm. She tends to dress very plainly, not really favoring anything that's too flashy or fashionable; she prefers her outfits to be more practical than appealing. Aside from her school uniform and casual clothes, she can usually be found wearing her kendo armor when she's at practice.

BACKSTORY: Megumi comes from a very simple, yet strongly traditional Japanese family, who own their own kendo dojo. At a very young age, she was viciously attacked by a dog that badly mauled her left arm, swinging her around savagely by it as if she were a rag-doll. Because of the severe damage to her arm, it could not be salvaged, and was thusly amputated. Despite the loss of her arm, she still trained in the family tradition of learning kendo, having a specialty shinai (bamboo sword) made for her: the hilt is a little longer, extending almost all the way down to her elbow, where it ends in a brace-like cup that half-encircles her arm. This enables her to have a firmer grip and control of it since she doesn’t have the benefit of another hand and arm to hold it with.

While she was growing up, she would occasionally be bullied by other kids for only having one arm (some of them even going so far as to exploit her justified phobia of dogs by bringing their pets around to terrorize her). But as her skill in one-handed kendo grew, so did her bravery and fearlessness, and she eventually began turning the tide on her tormentors. This began to give her a bad reputation, as some bullies would then try to pick a fight with her near or around school grounds, intentionally getting her in trouble (though they still got their butts kicked by her). As a result, her family began home-schooling her instead of letting her attend public schools. This changed when she reached high-school grade, however, as they did not have the means to properly educate her in higher learning past middle school.

Because her family is very old fashioned and traditional, they (and by extension Megumi) do not want her to get a prosthetic arm to replace the one she lost. This does not prove to be a problem for her, as she has become quite adept at doing things with only one hand, from kendo to hand-to-hand (she doesn't know any actual form of non-armed combat or martial art, though she is still fairly capable in a brawl). She's heavily trained to make her entire body physically strong, but especially her remaining arm, so that way she isn't too lacking when it comes to her kendo matches.

Due to her childhood trauma, she has a strong phobia and dislike of all dogs (as well as canines in general), and will usually shy away from them if they are nearby. If they start to approach or bark at her, she will freak out, and either run away or, if running isn't an option, pull out her ever-present shinai and try to defend herself, though she'll be shaking with fear and on the verge of tears while doing so.

Starting off as a freshman at another school for disabled children, things went well for her at first: she made a few friends, joined that school’s kendo club, and did well in her studies. But towards the end of her school year, she got into a fight with another girl, and beat her up badly. She was subsequently expelled, forcing her family to find her a new school, eventually sending her to far away Yamaku…

PERSONALITY: Megumi tends to be a bit stoic and stand-offish around most people. Having been picked on for most of her life (at one point or another) over having only one arm, she tends to have a bit of a hair-trigger temper, easily misinterpreting a casual comment (such as "why are you up in arms?") as a jab at her, and going into a rage over it. Because of her homeschooling, she hasn't had as much social interaction with other people her own age (who aren't family), so she tends to be a bit quiet and awkward in most social interactions. Once she identifies someone as a friend or comrade, however, she will loosen up a little bit and act more casually around them. She is also fiercely over-protective of those she befriends, and will openly attack anyone who may be giving those she cares for trouble; this is what led to her expulsion from her last school, as it quickly escalated from a shout fight to a full-on fist fight. When it comes to kendo, she tends to be extremely serious and demanding of her fellow kendo practitioners.

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Character submission: Megumi Mizuno Empty Re: Character submission: Megumi Mizuno

Post by Raiden on Sun Jun 22, 2014 12:34 am

Overall, I quite like the profile - I don't think we've got a character on here that's impulsive and aggressive, so Megumi would certainly be a welcome addition. Her personality seems quite three-dimensional and nuanced, which is pretty much exactly what we're looking for when it comes to this forum's characters. However, I still have a couple of issues.

First and foremost - I myself have practiced Kendo, and I can tell you from experience that it's quite impossible to actually compete with just one hand. Unless you grip the shinai with both hands and hold it properly up, even an average opponent can knock it right out of you if with a well-placed strike. So while I can buy that Megumi can be quite skilled when it comes to other aspects of Kendo (such as the swings and the footwork), there's no way she could ever become good enough to actually compete. And hell, even if she did somehow manage to magically hold the blade with enough strength using only her right arm, there's no way she'd ever be allowed to play anything other than a friendly, unofficial match. While this doesn't exactly contradict anything you said, I believe the information's worth including in the profile.

Another thing I would need to ask for are more details. Certain important events and pieces of information are just casually mentioned on your profile while you really should have elaborated on them. At one point, you mention she's got family members her age - who are they? Does she have any siblings, or maybe cousins she's close to? Also, the event that got her expelled should be expanded quite a bit, as just getting into a fight with someone and beating them up can be interpreted in a dozen different ways. Was she provoked? Did the other girl deserve it? Was it a case of bullying, and if so, who was doing it? What injuries did the other girl sustain? Is this an isolated incident, or has this sort of thing happened before with her? Remember - unless you specify all important details about your character in your profile, you can't bring them up in the RP, which is why it's quite important to be detailed!

And one last very minor thing - the second-to-last paragraph of her backstory, where you explain about your phobia, should be merged with the paragraph about her personality below. That one's an easily fixable formatting error, so I'll leave it at that.

Anyway, bump the thread once you've made the necessary additions, and we'll take another look!
Raiden
Raiden
Admin

Posts : 644
Reputation : 71
Join date : 2013-01-18
Age : 26

http://ksnewgen.forummotion.com

Back to top Go down

Character submission: Megumi Mizuno Empty Re: Character submission: Megumi Mizuno

Post by LQ-84i on Sun Jun 22, 2014 12:59 am

To add, noting that she's been removed from a seperate school for the disabled of which details are hopefully forthcoming, I am interested to find out how Yamaku decided on letting her enroll in the school. Whether she is on a probationary period or simply being told to mind herself perhaps should be related to the results of the expulsion. Lastly, other than being angered by being picked upon for having a lack of an arm are there any other emotions or feelings she has regarding her condition?
LQ-84i
LQ-84i
Admin

Posts : 268
Reputation : 15
Join date : 2013-01-21
Age : 25
Location : Miami, Florida, The United States of America

Back to top Go down

Character submission: Megumi Mizuno Empty Re: Character submission: Megumi Mizuno

Post by Guest on Sun Jun 22, 2014 6:20 am

Raiden wrote:First and foremost - I myself have practiced Kendo, and I can tell you from experience that it's quite impossible to actually compete with just one hand. Unless you grip the shinai with both hands and hold it properly up, even an average opponent can knock it right out of you if with a well-placed strike. So while I can buy that Megumi can be quite skilled when it comes to other aspects of Kendo (such as the swings and the footwork), there's no way she could ever become good enough to actually compete. And hell, even if she did somehow manage to magically hold the blade with enough strength using only her right arm, there's no way she'd ever be allowed to play anything other than a friendly, unofficial match. While this doesn't exactly contradict anything you said, I believe the information's worth including in the profile.

Um...while I respect the critique and feedback, as well as the fact that you have actual experience and (most likely) skill in actual, real world kendo, I'm afraid I don't quite understand why the concept of a one-armed girl actively taking part in kendo tournaments in this fictional setting is a problem. After all, are not other, far more fantastical fictional elements allowed to exist within this game, such as the SCP Foundation, a near-Skynet scenario with XBox Ones, and "extraordinary" characters (androids, mutants, etc.)? I'm sorry, but I fail to understand how/why my character's ability to proficiently wield a modified shinai in actual kendo clubs and tournaments is something that needs to be fixed.

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Character submission: Megumi Mizuno Empty Re: Character submission: Megumi Mizuno

Post by Subverse on Sun Jun 22, 2014 10:27 am

While there are supernatural characters in the setting, true, your character doesn't fit into that group. Unless you can come up with a valid reason as to why this character is able to achieve prowess in the field without a reason, I'm afraid you'll have to change the profile a little. The difference is the other characters (and events) you mentioned are specifically designed to be different, and have reasoning (e.g. they're mutants), while yours, at the moment, is just an average person. And, as Raiden says, a one-armed average person can't play kendo as well as someone with two arms. I'm sure she'd be able to wipe the floor with novices, but if she was playing competitive matches with people at her own skill level they would undoubtedly have a major advantage. Perhaps something along the lines of her dominating the disabled groups of the sport?

I like the character a lot, and I'd like to add something to what the other two admins have mentioned: how well does she get on in day-to-day life? Has she coped well thus far without the limb?
Subverse
Subverse

Posts : 157
Reputation : 14
Join date : 2013-09-01

Back to top Go down

Character submission: Megumi Mizuno Empty Re: Character submission: Megumi Mizuno

Post by Raiden on Sun Jun 22, 2014 11:56 am

I'll have to agree with Subverse - the mere existence of supernatural things in the setting isn't an automatic pass for everyone to do whatever they want. Unless she can magically grow a second arm every time she fights, there is no way she'll be able to grip and hold the shinai properly during a match. One of the very first things you learn when you start training in kendo is just how easily your shinai can be knocked out of your hands. You lower the tip slightly? Bam, you're one strike away from losing your weapon. You place your hand slightly lower on the hilt? Bam. You twist your hands around the hilt too much? Bam. The very specific poses and moves of Kendo exist for a reason - they might be hard to master, but they're necessary so that you can be at all effective in a match. Holding a two-handed bamboo blade with one hand is a very easy way to have it knocked out of you immediately, no matter how good you are. It's not a matter of skill, really - it's a matter of physics. As Subverse mentioned, she might be able to handle novices who don't really know how to strike, but anyone who has even an average understanding of the sport can easily score a win against her.
Raiden
Raiden
Admin

Posts : 644
Reputation : 71
Join date : 2013-01-18
Age : 26

http://ksnewgen.forummotion.com

Back to top Go down

Character submission: Megumi Mizuno Empty Re: Character submission: Megumi Mizuno

Post by Guest on Sun Jun 22, 2014 12:47 pm

...very well, then. I will not be playing this, or any other, character. Feel free to add her to your "graveyard" of characters, as well as delete my account for me. I shall not be utilizing it any further. lol This is a new record for me: leaving a RP before even getting started. Why did I even bother? All well. Goodbye.

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Character submission: Megumi Mizuno Empty Re: Character submission: Megumi Mizuno

Post by Raiden on Sun Jun 22, 2014 12:49 pm

Very well, then. This character is denied.
Raiden
Raiden
Admin

Posts : 644
Reputation : 71
Join date : 2013-01-18
Age : 26

http://ksnewgen.forummotion.com

Back to top Go down

Character submission: Megumi Mizuno Empty Re: Character submission: Megumi Mizuno

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Back to top


 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum